Insecure Racecar Guy

I had this happen the other night, and it's just really odd. I'm stopped at a light and some dude with his rims, his loud muffler, ugly graphics on his car and those totally 100% awesome neon lights underneath pulls up next to me. You know the type. One of those kids who's seen The Fast And The Furious like 100 times, and even watched 2 Fast 2 Furious because he just couldn't get enough fast and furious car racing Paul Walker action. Ask him what the meaning of life is and he'll give you a Vin Diesel quote. That guy. He pulls up to me at the light and starts revving his engine, as if he wants to race.

I drive a Hyundai. It's an SUV.

Something tells me your car sucks if you want to race me. Either that or you've got such a massive inferiority complex that you can't bear to lose a race, so you pick a sure thing. I mean, really. Did he expect me to roll down the window and start talking shit?

"CD, air conditioning, automatic transmission, power windows and power locks standard, BITCH! $5,000 less than a comparably equipped Explorer, BITCH! Your girlfriend really likes my nice, long warranty, BITCH! Yeah, you want some more of this Hyundai style? Al B Sure be rollin' in this motherfucker! Come get it! BITCH!"

I can talk shit with the best of them, as you can obviously see. What I think would be really cool is to have stealth modifications done to my Santa Fe. You know, soup up the engine, get some NOS in that mofo, the works. But don't get the rimz or the ugly-ass graphix or the stupid writing on the windows that designates which car racing gang I'm in or anything. Make it look like a plain old Hyundai Santa Fe. So when Insecure Racecar Guy pulls up and thinks he's the shit, I can destroy him off the line and then point and laugh. Then he goes "I can't handle it, this never happened to Vin Diesel," and decides to kill himself by wrapping his car around a tree, thus killing two birds with one stone. But maybe that's hoping for a little too much.

The moral of the story is this: don't try to race me unless you're driving an Escalade that you spent too much for. Then I'll let you win so you don't shoot me. Otherwise, I'm not interested. Just beware of my Stealth Santa Fe.