Egg & Muffin Toaster Evangelist

Some of you who have been reading for a while may recall me waxing ecstatic about the Egg & Muffin Toaster. Some other people took notice of this. Guess who they were? If you guessed the Egg & Muffin Toaster people, you'd be the winner of some sort of prize that I'd think up later and then disqualify you for because I'm greedy and heartless. But you'd know in your heart that you guessed correctly, and that's what matters. Anyway, through some amazing act of luck and internet craziness, I am now the proud owner of one Egg & Muffin Toaster. So before I start, let me say a hearty thank you to all of the Back To Basics Egg & Muffin Toaster people for A) The Egg & Muffin Toaster, obviously, and B) reading and enjoying the blog. Sorry I swore so much in that other post and it was completely unusable for any sort of promotional stuff you might have wanted to use it for.

"So, Maki," you may ask, "how did you like it?"

Read the title of the post if you need an answer to that question. In short? This thing freaking rocks. I will admit that I was absolutely petrified of reviewing it once I knew that it wasn't some kind of sick joke and they really were shipping me a bona fide, 100% genuine Egg & Muffin Toaster (heretofore referred to as an E&MT). What if it sucked? What if they sent me a defective one? I'm incredibly appreciative that someone who sees that they've clearly got a sale in me no matter what would still offer to give me a free one, but on the same token, I certainly can't lie to you guys on here if it wasn't everything I'd dreamed it could be. Luckily for me, well, dreams really do come true. It worked to perfection. And believe me, I've put this thing through its paces. But, let me start from the beginning.

Someone from the E&MT people e-mailed me the week before last out of the blue, commending me on my love for the E&MT and my wittily-phrased praise of it. After some e-mail correspondence discussing why I was getting so many hits to that one post (turns out a bunch of people from the company had read it and enjoyed it and passed it along) I sent them my mailing address and waited patiently for a free one to arrive, all the while shaking my head in disbelief at my good fortune and contemplating writing about the Sony KDF-E50A10 LCD projection television, which I hear can cure cancer as well as give you a razor-sharp HD picture. But that's a post for another time when I'm feeling a little luckier.

The E&MT arrived on Monday night via UPS 2-day air. I opened it up and read the manual during the commercial breaks for Arrested Development & Kitchen Confidential because, well, I'm actually that one guy on the planet who reads the manual. Sadly, I had only one egg and two slices of bread to use. I couldn't put it off and used them anyway. My egg was poached to perfection and my bread was toasted perfectly as well. This is when I knew I'd have to get to the grocery store ASAP to stock up on the necessary supplies I'd stupidly forgotten to purchase over the weekend. This would have to wait until Thursday, since we know how well my Tuesday went and I'd been waiting for Wednesday's season premiere of Lost longer than I'd been waiting for an E&MT, so being home in front of the TV took precedence for once in my miserable little life.

So I stocked up on Thursday, buying 18 english muffins, a dozen bagels, a package of cheese slices and a box of both pre-cooked ham and pre-cooked sausage. There was no way on earth I was half-assing this one. I made my first real sandwich, using one english muffin, one scrambled egg, one sausage patty and one slice of cheese. The way the toaster works is you pour the water into a little bowl on the side. You then place the egg in a little skillet (sprayed with non-stick cook spray, of course) and place the sausage on a vented tray above that. Then a little clear dome with a vent goes over the top and your food is steamed to perfection in about 5 minutes. The muffin is timed to pop when the egg is done, so your meal is hell of fresh and tasty. I waited patiently, savoring the smell and anticipating this meal like crazy. How did it turn out? One word.

AWESOMENESS.

That's the only word I can think of. Awesomeness. The thing was absolutely delicious. It was so awesome I had to bold and italicize that word. My week at work may have sucked like no other, but you know what? That sandwich at that moment made me forget all of it. When you talk about simple pleasures, that sounds like one of them to me. This is what I was talking about when I claimed these things could end the war in Iraq. Ain't nobody gonna blow themselves up if they know one of these badboys is waiting for them the next morning. I'm serious, people. Save the world, one egg & muffin sandwich at a time.

At this point I should mention that cleanup is a fairly quick and painless. The steam chamber has 4 pieces (lid, warming tray, egg pan and the stand for the pan) and the only one that would need to be cleaned every time is the egg pan for sure. The other ones I'd recommend washing them out every time, but I think we lazy bachelors can get by without doing it every single time. Unless you're obsessive-compulsive. Then wash away, my friend. Just be sure to get it right.

After this fantastic first experience, I realized that it was time to hit the road with the E&MT to spread the word. It was decided that the toaster was coming to work with me on Friday and everybody was getting breakfast. This is why it pays to work in my department, people. I had the supplies, I had the schedule, it was Chef Maki day at the OK Corral. I took orders. I cracked eggs open one-handed. I fed the masses. And they loved me for it. I made sandwiches with scrambled eggs and poached eggs. I made sandwiches with cheese. I made sandwiches with bacon and/or sausage. Not a single complaint was heard after I made a dozen of them total. Then I finally got to settle down and make one for myself, using a bagel this time. Perfection again. I think I'm in love with this wonderful machine. I think the majority of my department was as well. I heard at least three people mention how they needed to get one. I told them how I had located it on WalMart online for $38 before good fortune struck. Did they look? I can only hope. For their own sakes.

What is the moral of this story? No, it's not that lavishing praise on a product before you've even used it just might garner you a free one. But that's a good moral, now that I think about it. You've just got to pick the cool companies for that. The real moral, though, is that you need an Egg & Muffin Toaster. Like, right now. Because it really does work as advertised and it really is as good as I've said. I've made at least one sandwich a day since I received it and I'll be making one tomorrow morning, too, even if I'm late for work. I love it that much. Go get one now. Thank the E&MT people the way I'm thinking them right now. And ultimately, you'll thank yourself. Now let's go end that pesky war thing...

EDIT: Link-happy goodness! If you want to buy, here's where to do it, at least online.
Amazon = $39.99
Dillards = $40.00
Kohl's = $39.99
Wal-Mart = $38.82