The devil has arrived at my doorstep...

And he looks suspiciously like this:



Yeah. Girl Scout Cookies have arrived, and I have a definite weakness for them. I'm downright pathetic when it comes to these things, to be totally honest. I simply cannot control myself. I feel like a crack fiend wondering when his next hit is coming after I've opened the box. It's not a matter of whether or not I will be eating another, it's a matter of whether or not I'll be eating the whole damn box of Samoas (Caramel Delites, if you have a politically correct Girl Scout Cookie supplier) right then and there. I know how many calories and how much fat is in each of these things. (Note: it's a LOT for such a tiny cookie.) Yet I continue to double fist them. I feel so pathetic. It's okay, though, because I figure I can get fat off of them and sue like those McDonald's dumbasses. It could work, if only because this is a list of the ingredients of a Samoa cookie, taken directly from the baker's website. Take note of the items colored in Samoa-box purple...

Ingredients: SUGAR, PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OIL, (SOYBEAN, COTTONSEED, AND/OR COCONUT AND/OR PALM KERNEL), CORN SYRUP, HEROIN, ENRICHED FLOUR [WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, REDUCED IRON, THIAMINE, MONONITRATE (VITAMIN B1), RIBOFLAVIN (VITAMIN B2), FOLIC ACID], COCONUT, OXYCONTIN, SWEETENED CONDENSED WHOLE MILK (WHOLE MILK, SUCROSE), NICOTINE, SORBITOL, CONTAINS TWO PERCENT OR LESS OF COCOA, GLYCERINE, SALT, DEXTROSE, INVERT SUGAR, COCOA POWDER (PROCESSED WITH ALKALI), NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS, CORNSTARCH, SOY LECITHIN, CARRAGEENAN, CRACK, LEAVENING (BAKING SODA, MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE, METHAMPHETAMINES).

This goes a long way to explaining why I would still eat a half dozen of these things after dropping them on the floor at work. And my work floor is just dirty linoleum that the cleaning people never bother to touch, except to walk on. I did this yesterday, and keep in mind that I am a complete germophobe. You could say I had a "moment of clarity" as I was wiping off a Samoa, prepping it for consumption. Now I know how a junkie feels when he's digging through the trash. They need a support group for Samoa eaters. I need an intervention. Or a lawyer. Or both. I really don't know what I'm going to do when I run out of these things. It's a long wait until next year's delivery...

If you'll excuse me, it's been about 7 minutes since my last cookie.