Mutual Hatred Society

Okay, so back to our somewhat normal routine. That's not quite entirely accurate, since my normal routine would be to wait until next week to post something, because, well, that's how things work around here since I'm a lazy bastard. Take heart, though! I've promised to get better at this blog thing. It'll be like the old days. The good old days. But I digress.

So, I was reading Y The Last Man the other day* and two of the characters have a conversation about how the strongest relationships are forged not by mutual interest, but by mutual hatred. Not that the two people in the relationship hate each other, mind you, but that they share a hatred of the same things. And not easy stuff like taxes or crappy drivers or the New York Yankees or Paris Hilton or clever installation art or MTV or Kobe Bryant or other peoples' farts. Everybody hates those things. A real bond is forged when you hate things that most other people seem to love. Even if you don't share the same likes, you can both share in your hates. It's still a mutually beneficial thing you've got going on, after all. I would think it can be pretty therapeutic.

I'm realizing that this may be the problem I've had lately. I've been thinking on the Nick Hornby High Fidelity wavelength of, "if your favorite movies met at a party, would they speak to each other?" I have been looking for women who enjoy the same things I do. I obviously need to switch this up and not care so much about what they like, but pay particular attention to what they vehemently dislike.

Think about it on a broader scale and it makes a lot of sense. When are the times when our country has been the most united? When we have a common enemy. Wrong or right, after 9/11 there were very few people not calling for old Osama's head on a spike. We were a country united in hatred of one dude. Same as with World War II and Hitler. Imagine being able to harness that unity, that sense of camaraderie that we all shared in those times of strife and bring it into every relationship you have. Strong stuff, wouldn't you say? After all, it's not that far a step to go from Osama bin Laden to Tom Cruise and from Adolf Hitler to Ashlee Simpson. A country united against a common evil is a powerful thing.

What I need to do now is find a woman who despises all the same things I despise. Does the smell of shrimp make you ill? Think gauchos are kind of ridiculous? Wish Andy Warhol had never been born? Does country music make you want to kill somebody? Especially that Toby Keith fucker? Think all Spike Lee movies suck except for Do The Right Thing? Think Kanye is the single most overrated artist of our time? Do you hate healthy cereals? If so, my place is only a few blocks from here, baby. I think it's time to lay down by the fire and make sweet love. I'll even give you a pass if you like post-1984 Michael Jackson. That's how well I'm channeling all my negative energy at this point.

Go forth and share the hate, kids. Then all you weirdos who think the Beatles suck can hook up and keep it to yourselves. Same with all the 24-haters. Freaks.

* Yes, it's a comic. Yes, I am almost 30 and still read the not-so-occasional comic. They actually set me on my career path, strangely enough, so don't knock 'em.