The Samuel L. Jackson Academy Award push begins here!

Those of you who have been reading for a while may remember my love/hate relationship with the upcoming film epic Snakes On A Plane. It has come to my attention that a trailer has been released for it (not the real trailer, though.) Please click on Samuel L. Jackson below to watch it.

As you can see, we are about to witness the birth of a new era in filmmaking. And I couldn't be more excited. I mean, we've got Samuel L. declaring, "Enough is enough. I've had it with these snakes."* We have a man screaming little-girl style while holding a snake in front of his face. We have Samuel L. flinging a snake like a whip. We have Samuel L. using a taser on a snake. We have an angry cat being killed by a snake.** We have the awesome Kenan Thompson wielding a snack tray as a weapon. We have a fat woman unknowingly having a snake crawl out of her blouse. We have a terrified flight attendant chopping the head off a gigantic snake with an axe. In short? This movie has EVERYTHING I COULD POSSIBLY WANT IN A MOVIE.***

Now, herein lies the problem. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences doesn't tend to agree with me on what a good movie is. Granted, I see a lot of movies, some of which the Academy does enjoy right there with me. But most of the stuff I really love goes completely unrecognized by them. Fight Club, one of the most thoroughly modern and groundbreaking movies in both technique and execution, only nominated for a sound editing award? For shame. I feel now is the time to put an end to this. And being proactive is exactly the way to do it.

I've prepared a simple list of pros and cons to make things simpler for those who want to help in my cause. Now, I'm not expecting S.O.A.P. (best movie acronym ever) to win Best Picture. The Academy doesn't tend to be that radical. But I do expect nothing less than a Best Actor Oscar for Samuel L. Jackson come next March. Here's why:

Pro:
Samuel L. Jackson was completely robbed in 1994 for Pulp Fiction. That may be the most memorable performance of the '90s and Martin Landau goes home with the Oscar? Please. The man is due some retribution for that crime.

Con:
Formula 51, The Man, Star Wars Episodes 1, 2, 3,**** xXx, Twisted... Need I go on? There's not much he's had since probably Jackie Brown that's worth recognizing. The man will do anything for a paycheck these days, it seems. At least he had one of the best scenes ever committed to film in Deep Blue Sea, which I won't ruin for all four of you who haven't seen it, but I'll just say that it absolutely makes the movie. The movie goes from a 1-star movie to 3-stars on my scale just from that one scene alone. I'm not even joking.

Pro:
Denzel Washington is the lone African American male since Sidney Poitier to have won the Academy Award for Best Actor.

Con:
Denzel's a little smarter about the projects he signs onto. He even escaped Virtuosity relatively unscathed. Samuel doesn't have that luxury, as seen above. On the flip side of the coin, Samuel has a lot more boats than Denzel.

Pro:
If the Academy is looking to shed its "old fuddy duddy" image, S.O.A.P. is the perfect movie to do it.

Con:
The Academy tends to place the "snakes cause mortal peril to passengers on moving vehicle" genre somewhere just below "comedies" and "porn."

Pro:
Just think of the clips they have to choose from for the show when announcing his name in the nominees list!

Con:
The Academy will inevitably choose to show a clip that does not involve snakes. On a plane.

Pro:
According to Snakesonablog.com, (the definitive source for info on S.O.A.P.) the movie has had some reshoots to bump up the rating from a PG-13 to an R. This shows they are not willing to pull any punches when showing the epic struggle between snake and plane passenger.

Con:
The Academy likes their punches pulled. They like when films "keep it real," but not when they keep it too real.

Pro:
Marisa Tomei, Reese Witherspoon and Kim Bassinger all have Oscars. None are known for their acting talent.

Con:
Samuel L. Jackson is not eligible for Best Actress or Best Supporting Actress awards, even if he did wear a kilt in Formula 51.

It's looking like an uphill battle for Samuel L. Jackson as Best Actor for Snakes On A Plane. Now is the time to begin the letter-writing campaign to the academy. The more letters they get from people other than me, the better Samuel L.'s chances get. Hopefully they'll even overlook the fact that none of us have seen the movie yet. One can hope, since we know that justice is on our side! The entire staff here at More Junk From Maki***** are pulling for you, Samuel L.!

* Notice the weird little pause between "these" and "snakes?" I'm telling you, he either says "these fuckin' snakes" or "these muthafuckin' snakes" in the real version of the movie. I would put money on it.
** Nooooooo! Poor kitty.
*** Provided there's some gratuitous female nudity, and it had better not be the fat woman with the snake down her shirt.
**** Granted, no actor escaped unscathed from those (no, not even Ewan MacGregor) and he got his own action figure, but still.
***** All one of us.