I think I was born a few decades too late.

Seriously. Sometimes I wish I grew up in the '50s, where a white t-shirt and jeans were the standard going-out look. And I'm not talking about wife-beaters, either. I hate those damn things. I'm thinking just a plain white t-shirt. No corporate logos, no clever messages, no adornment... Just functional clothing that protects you from the elements and keeps you from going out naked.

I would totally fit in as a '50s dude. I even have that '50s attitude of wanting to kick the crap out of commies and stuff. Of course, I'd probably have been the dude who tried to get everyone to listen to that Presley guy who was pretending he was black. I'd be the one telling everybody that they need to get that new Miles Davis record, because it's slick, daddy-o. But nobody would listen to me and then they'd try to loan me the LP six months after I first told them about it. Because the more things change, the more they stay the same, you know.

My looks wouldn't even matter that much in the '50s because back then, men were men and women were dames. And you know what, I wouldn't even be talking about clothing and stuff like this because '50s men didn't talk about that. They left clothing talk to the broads and went about their manly business and wore hats everywhere. Dress hats like fedoras and stuff. Because Indiana Jones and computer programmers weren't the only ones wearing fedoras back then. And the only ones wearing ballcaps were baseball players and you only wore white socks if you were playing basketball or you were a dame. If you were playing basketball the score would be 14-10 after 48 minutes because everyone ran the Princeton offense because there was no shot clock back then. Baseball players broke records on athletic ability, not because they had the best hookup. If you rooted for a college's football team it's because you went there. People didn't run just for the hell of it and we ate bacon and eggs every breakfast and steak for every dinner because the only vegetarians back then were cows and rabbits and nobody cared about their cholesterol.

I would drive a gigantic Ford or Chevrolet that got 6 miles per gallon because it was all steel, no plastic and it would have bitchin' huge fins over the tail lights and a gigantic backseat for making out with my steady. Swearing was something reserved for when you were putting down a commie pinko bastard and never used in front of a lady, because it's not classy to swear in from of a dame. There were no words like metrosexual or crunk or lactose intolerant. Movie stars were famous because they were actually good actors. The Rat Pack were the coolest people alive, despite being boozing womanizers. Maybe because they were boozing womanizers.But they never roughed women up because a guy who roughs up dames deserves to have the crap kicked out of him. Smoking was good for you in the '50s and everyone looked cool at all times because there was always that atmospheric wisp of smoke about one's person.

I would totally rock the '50s, man.

Or maybe I know nothing about the '50s except what I've seen in movies and stuff and just needed an excuse to post a picture of those damn jeans. I do think I'm going to start wearing plain white t-shirts and jeans out wherever I go, though. I'm kind of partial to the look.