Making space

I guess you get some musical accompaniment here. Listen as you read.

Back when I was in high school, I had a theology teacher named Fr. Leo. He was one of the best teachers I've ever had, and he was also one of the least conventional. Before every class, once everyone had arrived, we had what he called time to "make space." The idea behind making space was that it was a short meditation session. We'd listen to a soft, instrumental piece and clear our minds of all the clutter that had gathered in there over the course of the day. It was a wonderfully effective way to begin a class and I looked forward to the class every day, if only for that brief 5 minutes. I kept up with it for a while, even after graduation. Over time I got out of the practice and it became just a memory of something that used to help me out. After even more time it was almost completely forgotten.

Over the years and especially recently, I've come to recognize that the main reason to make space was to give each of us time to focus just on ourselves. Lately I've realized that with all of my obligations and friendships and other things going on, I've not had time to focus on me. I never have time to myself just to sit and clear out all the clutter. There was always somewhere to be, someone to meet up with, some job to work on, something to post on the blog, something new to buy, someone to call, something to watch on TV, some new movie to watch, some workout at the gym, some new book to read, just always something. Constantly. And somehow it popped into my head, the idea of making space for myself. Maybe it was a friend who told me how, when the place was still empty, she just sat in her new condo for a while enjoying the quiet and the solitude. And how much better it made her feel. However it happened, I realize that at heart I'm a quiet environment person. An introvert. Sure, I have plenty of friends and go out a lot, but I need that downtime. I'm someone who is content to stay home and watch a movie on a Friday night just as much as I am getting home when the sun's coming up and my paper's in the driveway.

But here's the thing... Being super-social can be a double-edged sword. We all need people in our life. We need companionship, we need that communal experience. But I'm realizing that getting time to myself is making me a more content person than constant social time is. And I think it's because I haven't had that time to make space for myself in so long. Sure, I had my traditional Friday evening after-work naps for a while, but those only helped my exhausted body. They didn't help any for my exhausted mind. But I'm realizing that by making space I'm giving myself that recharge I need.

So, on Friday night I got home from work, turned off my phones' ringers, turned off my cell, shut the blinds, lit a few candles, put on some Kind of Blue* and just laid down on the couch listening intently to every note. It's funny, when you're not trying to think of anything at all and you're not trying to sleep, you get a certain type of peace that comes over you. I laid there for 45 minutes with the music surrounding me and no distractions whatsoever and I felt more content than I have in years. Sure, there are all sorts of obligations and problems and concerns that still exist for me... But for 45 minutes they don't matter and I have one more way of coping with them and putting them in perspective.

Speaking of perspective, that time to myself made me realize that I've stuffed my life full of a lot of things I simply don't need. There's a lot of stuff I own that's just filling in for the things that are really important. I think it's time to clear out those things and make space in another way. The same goes for this blog. Let's just say a little hiatus can give one a lot to think about. Because when it comes down to it, I really didn't miss posting these little missives all that much. Sure, there are things here and there that I wanted to write about, but I didn't have a burning need for them to be put on here. As far as I'm concerned, if there's not the burning need to write them, then they're just more filler. Just another distraction. Distractions can be good, sure. This whole thing was never meant to be taken all that seriously, even if some of my posts have gotten pretty deep. (And yes, I know this post is tiptoeing that line pretty heavily right now.) It was meant to be a bit of a distraction. Thus the whole "dedicated to wasting 5 minutes a day" thing up top.

What I'm finding is that I have plenty of distractions already. Our modern world is designed to feed us constant distractions... Our world practically screams at us. It's just a matter of learning how to shut it out and not let it get to us. I know I'm already well on the way. Hopefully you guys will try to make some space for yourself sometime. Whether it's 5 minutes or 55 minutes, it's worth it. Trust me. I'll even loan you a copy of Kind of Blue if you want.

* The best album ever recorded, as I've already said at least 10,000 times over the course of my life by now. You're listening to part of it right now if you followed the directions properly.