Had my brain insulted tonight...

I take a foreign film class. One of the students (who didn't attend, keep in mind) requested we view a "Bollywood" film. For those who don't know, India's movie industry is HUGE, though you never hear anything about it in the United States. Anyway, Bollywood films are usually big production numbers, with lots of singing and dancing -- kind of a throwback to the '40s and '50s, where most movies were big musicals. I've never seen any of them before. After tonight, I realize I was better off for that. The movie we watched tonight was Bollywood Queen.

It was FUCKING HORRIBLE.

Let me repeat that. This movie was FUCKING HORRIBLE. It easily cracked my top ten worst movies I've actually seen through to the end, and I've seen Summer of Sam, Love, Van Helsing, Twister, Hulk, Speed 2, Batman & Robin and The Big Hit. So you know it's in good company. What can I tell you about it? It's Romeo & Juliet. Again. Except Juliet is Indian and Romeo is a chav. An ugly one, at that. Their families own competing sweatshop knockoff clothing factories, as if the whole racial divide thing wasn't blatant enough. "Oh no, will they ever end up together?" Gee, I wonder. This was one of those movies where you could tell exactly what was going to happen after watching it for about 2 minutes and 17 seconds. You could almost set your watch by when each plot point will be hammered into your head in the most blatant way possible.

There are also lots of musical numbers. The WORST musical numbers I have EVER SEEN. Each one looked like it was filmed in 1986, except they were better at lip-synching in 1986. I expected George Michael to pop out wearing a "Choose Life" t-shirt. The best part of the movie? It was only 80 minutes. Don't ever watch this unless you liked any of those teen movies with 3 generic words in the title. If you did, well, just shoot yourself, then. There's much better mindless entertainment out there. This does not count in that category. You know what the worst part is? The girl who requested it wasn't even there tonight. Maybe she knew something the rest of us didn't.

0 out of 4 stars.