The comedy goldmine was full of iron pyrite.
I realized today that I went to driver improvement school on Saturday morning and have said exactly nothing about it. There's a good reason for this. Absolutely nothing of import happened there. Nothing interesting. Nothing funny. No zombie attacks, no abstract terror, no cheesy old "Blood On The Highway" movies, no hot chicks to hit on and fail miserably with, nothing. Hindsight tells me I should've ordered the DVD, I guess. This was so disappointing, since I figured I'd be able to milk a good 3 or 4 posts out of the experience, but it was just not to be.
It was the Improv Comedy Driving School, which means it's supposed to be more entertaining than the standard deal, but all we ended up with was a "yuck yuck" comedian type guy who kept saying, "that usually gets a bigger laugh than that..." There's a reason it didn't get a bigger laugh, buddy. It's because you're wearing light-up sunglasses indoors and you're not Gallagher. Gallagher sucks anyway.
The people in the class didn't help any, either. Bunch of losers. The cross section there did prove one thing to me, though. Women are much, much, much more likely to get out of a ticket than men are. Of the 17 people in the class, 3 were women. THREE. All three of them had been in accidents. Funny that none of them were there for speeding, eh? Go figure. The only one who was remotely attractive (I'll use the term very loosely) and remotely my age was the girl I will call "Shannon." Now, either I'm getting old and cranky or Shannon was partially retarded. Or high for the entire class, which was a possibility, definitely. All I know is that she was dumb as rocks, which is really an insult to rocks everywhere. She also spent 75% of her time laughing at the least appropriate stuff possible. I thought about talking her up since it'd probably be pretty easy to end up getting her number. But then I remembered that I think there's a commandment against getting a retarded person's number so I decided against it.
You can tell how unfunny the Improv Comedy Traffic School was by the lack of funny in this post. Sorry.
posted by Maki @ 11:00 PM
17 comments
17 Comments:
Ok...so you knew this was coming right? You know what I'm going to say about why there weren't as many women in that class as men, right? That's because women drive better. It's a fact. Or women are just smarter at getting out of tickets. Either way we're better, except for the retarded ones.
Let the debate begin....
If having breasts to use to get out of tickets = better drivers, then yes, I guess you're right. Funny how 100% of the women there had been involved in collisions while only 14% of the men had been involved in them. The other 86% were there for either speeding or running stop signs or other activities that didn't involve damaging their vehicles. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
I can tell you from my experience it is usually the other way around...men doing the damage type stuff. My experience is that men get distracted way more easily than women, but then my husband has ADHD so maybe I'm biased. But we also have a friend who's a cop and he's the same way. He even rear-ended a woman while he was messing with his computer in his patrol car. And it's not just in his patrol car that he's like this. It seems the more gadgets in a car the less men pay attention to the road. But it could also be that I'm one of those rare women who actually isn't a complete airhead while driving, just all the other times. :-) Considering that I can actually read a map, and never get lost, I'm probably an example of the minority in women drivers.
You have anecdotes, I have statistics. I don't care if they have a +/- accuracy of about 97%. That sort of stuff doesn't matter in statistics. Alll that matters in statistics is that there are numbers and one can be measured against the other. I just like saying statistics.
STATISTICS.
OMG you sound just like my husband. Just Stop!
http://www.insurance.com/Article.aspx/artid/259
http://lifewise.canoe.ca/Living/2005/02/07/pf-923301.html
Here are some interesting articles for you to read, the second one has STATISTICS.
Read the last four paragraphs of the first article you sent me, please. Thanks.
Insurance rates are also based on points accrued on licenses. If a girl can successfully worm her way out of a ticket due to the cop being either A) male or B) butch in a case where (like me) there was no option to get out of it if the driver was male, her rates will not increase while a male having the exact same traffic violation will accrue points for it.
The honest truth? We all suck at driving. All of us. Men are just better about killing themselves and avoiding traffic school while doing it. Women are better at getting out of the stupid little violations that people like me get nailed for.
I prefer to read only the stuff relevant to my point of view :-)
You know, at first, I was like, "Damn, G-Unit, eight comments! You blazin'!"
I'm slightly less impressed now.
Did I get a free chicken sandwich today? Yes, two. Thanks for asking.
Damn, Matty - what are they feedin' you over there at E'Wood - Chik-Fil-A and shit??? Send some of that shizzzz-nit over here....never have tried Chik-Fil-A to be honest with you. People always give me the same reaction when I tell them that, too - OH MY GOD! You've NEVER had Chik-Fil-A???
I need to write a blog about Chik-Fil-A....
Thanks for your contributions. Honest.
Chik-Fil-A isn't that good. At all. They're not even open on Sundays, which loses them even more points.
I didn't figure I was losing out on much by not eating at Chik-Fil-A.
I'll take Zaxby's anyday of the week for chicken strips/fingers...
God maki, you are really annoying. I found your blog from another one you posted on and you are just as annoying on your own blog as you were on hers.
Y'know, I just posted a comment full of vitriol and venom, but decided it wasn't worth it for someone who doesn't even have the guts enough to sign their name. Sorry for anyone who had to read it before I deleted it.
And by the way, for anyone else taking me seriously in these comments, you really need to get to know me better.
You'd think they would have after spending over half an hour reading stuff here, too, but life is funny that way when you can be an anonymous asshole, I guess.
Let's see-I've had one speeding ticket.
In 6 years of driving.
And that's because I was speeding behind a motorcycle cop, and didn't know it.
On the other hand, my ex husband has had at least one ticket a year.
And yes, I drove more than he did.
Is it our fault the primarily male population of police officers fall victim to our sexuality?
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