Liquid dinner, solid lunch
In keeping with the "what did Maki eat" theme I've got going so far this week, I present to you my diet over the past day or so:
3:15pm- Quaker Chewy Granola Bar (chocolate chip)
7pm- Glass of shiraz at The Grotto
8pm- Glass of pinot noir at The Grotto
9am- NutriGrain Breakfast Bar (strawberry)
10:15am- Quaker Chewy Granola Bar (s'mores)
1pm- NutriGrain Breakfast Bar (apple cinnamon)
I am the pinnacle of health right now. The "granola bar, breakfast bar and wine" diet may rival Tracy's "ice cream, meat and chocolate" diet. We'll see.
Um, keep commenting wherever you want. You guys are doing whatever the hell you like anyway, I can see.
posted by Maki @ 1:11 PM
46 comments
46 Comments:
You're gonna get scurvy.
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.
.
.
Again.
Plus my word verification is "CCCP" Are you some kind of commie?
breakfast: leftover Oreo McFlurry from yesterday's lunch
lunch: hamburger and medium french fries from the evil empire. as I mentioned before, I thought the upgrade in french fry size would curb the ice cream cravings... it didn't.
no m&m's left. I ate a ginormous bag over the last two days.
I do have some hershey's kissables in my purse though...
breakfast - Golden fucking Grahams (they are a true God-send)
lunch - Gatorade.... and more Gatorade, because I had to go get my $12,000 shot during lunchtime.
Morning Drive - Tab Energy (red bull for chicks, love it)
Midday - Soup and Salad at Panera
Afternoon Drive - Sugar Free Red Bull
I am all shaky and shit. Today rocks.
Maki, do you ever poop? Ever?
Please, please God. Don't let him answer that.
Please.
Despite Tracy's protests, I will address this pressing question. No, I don't. That's why I eat so much granola. I also throw in liberal helpings of Taco Bell, Starbucks and beer. I'm thinking that combination will be the miracle cure for my condition. And my scurvy.
I just ate a neslte crunk drak stixx thing. Can I just say: OH EM GEE! I am in love.
oh geez... did I really post that horrid spelling thing?
Nestle Crunch Dark Stixx.
I admire your attempt to change the subject from pooping to the Nestle Corporation.
Did you know that it's not good to pinch out turds? It means that everything has been marinating in your colon too long. Oprah told me.
You're wrong on one point, Maki. Tracy's diet is not, in fact, "ice cream, meat and chocolate". It is actually "ice cream, meat chocolate, more ice cream and Happy Meals".
I think I'm officially off Myspace. You guys are my new crack.
I've eaten a lot of crap today. Not literally--I thought I'd clarify with all this poop talk going on.
Jeremy, what's "meat chocolate?"
Gross! They make meat chocolate now? The world is prejudiced enough against vegetarians - and now they are making something so delicious MEATY?
My prejudices lie with lefties. I decided since I have no qualms with any race, creed or religion, I would pick something random to dislike.
Maki, I'm sayin' it's all about a good book and some metamucil. Maybe you should put one of those little TVs in your bathroom so you don't feel like you're missing anything that's going on in the world. Like Katie Couric leaving the Today Show. That was a big thing you may have missed today if you were pooping without a teeny TV.
You can post wherever the hell you want. Don't let me stop you. Now, whether anyone joins you in the past? Not my department.
Who's Katie Couric?
Whoa... I'm behind now.
Eww... behind and poop talk... great.
Meat chocolate? Niiiice. And screw you veggie-lovers. I hate veggies. See blog in the past... pea ice cream though...
Pea... lol... Pea ice cream and poop.
There is only one person here now so I literally lol'ing. I'm sure he thinks I'm insane.
ps. I like the toys.
pps. In the HAPPY MEALS...
ppps. My mind is on the sidewalk. Really.
How do you make the mini TM on TracyDiet?
Magic.™
Or Option-2 on a Mac.
But I prefer to think of it as magic.™
I'm not on a mac dammit!
Then it's a long complicated process. Just think of it as something magical. We're all better off that way.
I forgot a comma. It was supposed to be "meat, chocolate". As an aside though, Jones Soda makes meat flavored beverages for the holidays. Smoked Salmon, Turkey & Stuffing and more.
Tasty.
I know the secret to the ™, but if I told you, it wouldn't be a secret, now would it?
Sorry, I'm just not done with the previous post. After this, I'm done.
But Maki! Your junk has serious growth potential!
Okay. Now I'm good.
I like that idea. But I also like the idea of a hot pink McDildo.
I tell you, Winn Dixie's self-checkout deals were MADE for that sort of thing. I wouldn't be surprised if their condom sales quadrupled once they installed those things. Too bad you actually have to go into a Winn Dixie to use them, though...
None of my remote controls ever have batteries in them. And Wal-Mart has self-checkouts. Does Wal-Mart sell condoms? It doesn't seem to me that most of the people I see in there use them. They're usually being followed by 15 children.
I can see this being a lot like The Telltale Heart. You're in line, buying batteries. Everyone in line looks at you out of the corner of their eyes. They know why you're buying them. There's no way to prove it, but instinctively, they know. And you can't handle it, so you eventually you throw a pair of rubber gloves, the economy box of Lifestyles and a home enema kit in for good measure. The people in line stop looking at you.
But they still know what those batteries are for.
One time, my friend Andrea and were at Big Lots with her (at the time) five year old. She was buying him Halloween makeup. The little skamp runs over to the battery display past the registers near the front door and yells, "MOM LOOK! BATTERIES! YOU NEED BATTERIES, DON'T YOU MOM? YOU BUY LOTS OF BATTERIES, MOM! LOOK! THEY'RE OVER HERE, MOM, A WHOLE THING OF BATTERIES!!". So, Andrea turns to me and she's like, "What do you need so many batteries for?"
Smooth move, operator. Well played.
Whenever anyone comments, I have that comment sent to my gmail account. I just want to personally thank everyone for completely ruining the ads that show up now whenever I check gmail. This is worse than that whole "My Tivo thinks I'm gay" thing from a few years back. Now my gmail thinks I'm a complete deviant. So thanks, really.
thank god no one's posted about gay sex and alternative lifestyles then, huh?
Holy shit. I miss a post from yesterday AFTERNOON, and it's like I missed a week.
Meal update:
Yesterday's breakfast: Bad Ass coffee
Yesterday's lunch: Spinach and chicken salad with sweet & sour bacon dressing from Wendy's. A disappointment.
Afternoon snack: Nature Valley Honey Nut granola bar
Yesterday's dinner: DiGiorno pepperoni pizza, salad ... Breyers vanilla ice cream for dessert ('cuz Breyers ROCKS!)
Today's breakfast: Starbucks Frappuccino (the bottled low-fat kind; a pseudo-Frap) and brown sugar oatmeal
Fuck the Today Show. Steve, E.D. and Brain are where it's at. You people need to watch Fox & Friends. Katie is a ditz.
I went for two weeks hitting up every McDonald's between Jacksonville and Tampa looking for "The Dog" toys. I have a small collection, including a min pin from Hong Kong. I love eBay.
Maki doesn't poo. He barfs. It's a means to an end, just not the usual end.
By the way, something is screwy in Bloggerland. I had to type in the word varification 6 times before it accepted the last comment. I think someone was trying to intervene. To hell with 'em.
Wow... I missed a lot.
I'm way behind...
SHITE. I gotta quit using that word.
I think I am going to start a blog just for food reports. Really.
Not that you people can stick to just food ; )
fuck you word verification. I can type just fine. why is this my 4th attempt?!?!
I'm on a roll with marketing ideas lately.
Alternative Lifestyles®
Heavy "doodie" condoms for the alternative lifestyle in you.
Is this going too far? May the Gmail homo ads commence.
hmmm...now we're talking about food and porn. Food Porn? Isn't that a fetish of some sort?
Speaking of food... it would probably be good if I ate at some point today.
Ok, all of you people screwing with my gmail ads suck. I'm not even gonna be able to open that at work anymore...
For lunch today I had an egg, cheese and canadian bacon sandwich on an english muffin, courtesy of my Egg & Muffin Toaster™. I threw some Hell On The Red® hot sauce (thanks Tracy!) on it to make the best damn lunch ever. Sure beat my Starbucks Java Chip frappuccino for breakfast. I guess the "granola bar, breakfast bar and wine" diet experiment only lasted a day. It was going so well, too...
NO! You can't post what you ate HERE anymore... must be posted on the TracyDiet™ page that now exists!!
I know someone who had cheesecake for lunch...
Fortunately, Maki, Google is fairly strict on what they allow to be advertised. It should never quite pass "mildly embarrassing."
I miss a few days and all hell breaks loose here. I do not have time to read 44 comments. Maki, you are becoming quite the comments God.
Word Veri.: zitfy
WTF?
There is a cheesecake and sex story? Should I have held out for more than JUST cheesecake for lunch??
TracyDiet.blogspot.com
It was me. I once made love to a cheesecake.
Thoughts on Food Porn:
Cheesecock
McBrundle
Chocolate Thunder Schmeared Down Under
See, Maki. When your posting frequency wanes, we fill in the gaps with meaningless drivel. Fabulous.
Cheesecake love... is that like apple pie love?
I have oatmeal five days a week for breakfast.
Saturdays normally consists of a raisin bagel and peanut butter.
Sundays, I cook raspberry pancakes naked because I live alone.
Track meets rule.
I was gonna make fun of you for having such a routine... but actually pancakes every Sunday sounds nice. Maybe I'll steal your routine... get off the m&m's for breakfast thing...
But then TracyDiet™ (TracyDiet.blogspot.com) (yes, shameless plug)won't be as interesting...
I hear egg & muffin sandwiches make great breakfasts, too. Just another shameless plug.
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