Home improvement gone HORRIBLY WRONG.

Hooray for me! I am Mr. Fixit. At least, if Mr. Fixit was mentally retarded and broke things instead of fixing them. I am officially an idiot. I am also officially an idiot with the worst sense of timing EVER. "Gee, it looks like there might be a freeze tonight. Sounds like a dandy time to replace my thermostat..." One odd-sounding zap and no heat or air conditioning later, I have a new thermostat that does ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING NOW. Actually, that's not entirely true. It tells me just how cold it is in my house (56 degrees fahrenheit.) Shoot me in the head.

After destroying my HVAC system, I decided it was time to move on to my broken dryer (yes, dryer, like Fred Dryer, star of Hunter.) Did you know that dryers can be popped open from the top? I had no idea. I definitely snapped the belt that wraps around the drum and spins things, though. Last time I throw running shoes in there (yes, upon further reflection, that was the contents of the last successful load. Again, I am an idiot.) Not sure how I get a new belt around the drum, considering it's is clamped in from both sides... I guess I'm stuck disassembling the whole thing and praying it goes back together properly. On second thought, I'll just light myself on fire and save us all the trouble of going through that. Dammit.

I used to be so good at technical electronic stuff, too. I could take my entire stereo system in my car apart and put it back together effortlessly. I could practically rewire my house in an afternoon. Now I try to plug forks into electric sockets and wash my hair dryer with soap and water. I guess this is what it's like to be Penny Hardaway.

I'm gonna go sleep in my car now.