Reflection time.

I went home to visit my parents in Orlando this weekend. My sister came home from London for spring break, so that was the main impetus for heading south (only two hours south, but it's still further south than Jacksonville, so I'm allowed to say "heading south.") I have friends who just had their first baby five weeks ago, so I also wanted to see them and the baby.

In seeing their cute little girl and spending time with my parents in general, I realized that my personal life is pretty much the same as it was when I moved out almost 7 years ago. Everybody else I know has lives that really are completely different. They're married now, they have serious girlfriends or boyfriends now, they have kids now, they've moved to different cities, they own houses now, they own condos now, they've changed jobs lately, they've gone back to school. Me? Definitely not married (still.) No serious girlfriend (still.) No kids (luckily.) In Jacksonville (still.) Own a house now (okay, that's one.) I've been at the same job for 5 years now (amazingly.) Not going back to school ever again -- I realize how much of the crappy parts nostalgia tends to gloss over to ever consider going back. Besides, in my field a degree really is just a piece of paper and nothing more. Experience counts.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm in a rut. It's strange, since I've been happy in general in the time I've been in this town, but I'm happy in a way that's the same type of happy I had when I first got here. Everybody else has new things to be happy about, significant things to be happy about. New baby, new love, new job, new home, new life type happy. Me? I'll be happy if Sin City and Episode III don't suck. I guess I never realized that I was in this rut before. Is this what a mid-life crisis must feel like? Is this some earlier-in-life crisis? It's not really a crisis, anyway. I'm still happy, I'm just starting to wonder what more is out there for me, and if I'll ever find it. Everyone else seems to be finding their happiness while I sit here spinning my wheels. Or maybe I just need a girlfriend. Probably that, but still, I need some kind of shake-up to knock me out of my complacent little existence. I'm not The Narrator in Fight Club yet, but I feel like I'm getting there...

Weird how holding a tiny happy little baby can end up bumming me out, isn't it? I have problems.