Homecoming

Every guy has that girl. The one that got away. The one we'll always wonder about.

I saw mine tonight.

I went back to my high school to watch their undefeated football team destroy their homecoming opponent. It was 42-7 at halftime, a score rarely approached in complete games by any football team from my era, whether I played for them or not. After we decided to leave, we kind of mingled around near the entrance to the field, planning our next stop. Being the 10th anniversary of the class of '95, (the class after mine) I saw a lot of kids from that class. I was friendly with few of them that were there. As I scanned the nearby crowd, she popped out, plain as day. She was looking just as adorable as she did the last I saw her, almost ten years ago. She might have put on a pound here or there since high school, but haven't we all? It was definitely her, though. It had to be.

Now, let me give you a little backstory here. When I became friends with her, I was already heavily involved in a very serious relationship. One that I had every intention of making into a permanent one. Of course, I was a young kid and all naive kids think that everything is the greatest thing we'll ever encounter and that it can't get any better. As most naive kids get proven, I was incredibly wrong about that. But I had thrown my heart and soul into that relationship and wasn't going to do anything to jeopardize it.

We met during a retreat through the school. Being in the same group, there was an instant connection between the two of us. We got along fantastically. Now, this girl knew about my commitment to my girlfriend, but never seemed to care. She was always flirting, always excited to see me, always interested. How did I respond? At first I tried to ignore it, as if things between us were never in the realm of possibility. I played the friends card. When that didn't work, I kind of treated her like crap. I'll admit that more than a bit of that was because my girlfriend really didn't like her. Hated her, in fact. HATED HER. But then again, what girlfriend wouldn't? When a funny, attractive, carefree, popular girl shows an interest in your boyfriend, well, you're bound to get jealous. But still, I had to drive her away. I was committed to one girl, and that was that. No matter how attracted to this other girl I found myself. As wonderful as she was, there was always a little bit of sadness there. I never knew what it was. I never gave myself the chance to find out.

Looking back, had something happened, it would have been all passion and poetry between the two of us. It would have been one of those loves that burns just a little too bright... Flaring up and burning out too quickly. Once the initial spark was gone, there would have been nothing left to sustain it. It would have been a beautiful, wonderful thing, at least for a brief period of time. Then it would be tears and resigned regret, but at least it would have been something.

So there she stood, not twenty yards from me. I had run over this moment a thousand times in my head over the past nine years. I had imagined what I would say, what her reaction would be, where things would have gone from there. I had heard she had recently married, but a little piece of me had to know for sure if that was true. The wedding band on her finger confirmed it. She smiled gorgeously in profile, talking to an old friend. I smiled a little bit to myself, glad that she seemed happy. I hoped that the twinge of sadness that always seemed to be there wasn't there anymore. I thought our eyes might have met for a split second, but I wasn't sure. I guess I'll never find out. I left without speaking to her.

Some things are better left in the past.