A kinda-sorta requiem for 2006.

Well, I guess it's not a requiem, since 2006 isn't dead and gone yet. But I really don't plan on posting anything further this year, so I guess this will have to do, now won't it?

So, anyway, how have you been? It's been a while now, hasn't it? I know there's about 40 or so of you a day that stop by daily for whatever reason... And all I can say is thanks for doing it. Sorry to keep disappointing you on a daily basis with the same post staring you in the face. Even if I do seem to have received more positive response from that last post than just about anything else I've written... But really, what I've had to say for the past month or so, well, you probably wouldn't want to hear it. Even I didn't want to hear it! And I certainly didn't want to type it out and then post it all over the internet, that's for sure. But I'm pretty much over that phase and moved on to the next phase. Which makes a pretty good segue into the theme of this post...

2006. When I was little, this was a year that was just so damn far away. That was the year I'd turn thirty. THIRTY. That is SO OLD. Yet, here I am. It's an odd feeling, but the way 2006 turned out really has made me feel a lot better about being in my thirties. Why? Because 2006 was easily the best year of my life. I really hit a whole bunch of highs, and of course, hit quite a few lows, too. Most of which you guys saw documented on here... But not all of them. Not even close. Some things are just for me and some of them I share only with those who were there. And those people know who they are.

When I look back on it, I realize that there are very few things I'd change about how I lived my life in 2006. Sure, I made some mistakes. Huge mistakes, in fact. Ones I still regret. But the thing is, I've learned from every single one of them. I've learned more about myself this year than I did in the previous 29 years. I also learned a lot about other people this year, too. I've seen friends get married. I've seen friends get divorced. I've seen friends make terrible decisions. I've seen friends do the right thing. I've made friends, only to lose them a few months later. I've made friends I know I'll have for a lifetime. I've said goodbye to a friend I know I'll never see again. I've seen the happiness in a friend's face when he announced his wife is having twins. I've had a friend's wonderful little baby drool on me. I've given advice that worked out. I've listened to good advice. I've ignored advice and screwed up because of it. I gained a new respect for my mom after watching her rehab a broken leg. I realized that my dad is one of the coolest guys I know. I saw my little sister graduate law school and start working in the "real world." I painted my house. I sold most of my DVDs. I made art simply for the sake of making it. I've been a shoulder to cry on. I cried on a few shoulders. I've fallen in love. I've given "that look" and received it right back. I've been given that sad look that says, "it's over." I've learned how to let go. I've been sadder than I've ever been in my life. I've been happier than I've ever been in my life. In short? I lived my life more fully this year than any other year before it.

But the biggest thing I took out of 2006? I may not have accomplished my new year's "missions", but I got something much better out of this year: I realized what's really important to me. And believe me, what's important to me is so completely different than it was at this time last year. I read posts like my Valentine's one and I wonder how I could have been such a different person back then. How I could be so naive; how I could have learned so much in the time since I wrote that. I've had dreams come true this year. Doors that I thought had always been shut to me were suddenly open. And I had the guts to walk through them. Does it matter that those dreams ended up smashed on the rocks? No, because even if you only live a dream for a little while, it's better than never having lived it at all. And that doesn't make it any less a dream come true.

The thing is, it's easy to let your life settle into a repetitive pattern. Our modern society is practically set up for that repetition. Wake up to the alarm at this time. Go to work at that time. Leave work at this time. Get home at that time. Watch these TV shows this night, those TV shows that night. Go to bed at this time. Repeat. That repetition numbs you. It makes you forget about what can truly make you happy. You spend day after day doing the same thing, going to the same places, dreaming the same dreams but never achieving them. Before you even realize it, there's a void there. A void you didn't even know existed. But once you've had something that shakes your life up and shows you that void exists and then fills it, well, you realize pretty quickly that you really weren't all that happy in the first place. But once you're aware of that void, there's no going back to the way things were. And that's the way life should be. A constant process of moving forward. A journey towards making yourself complete. Shedding the stuff that truly doesn't matter and replacing it with the stuff that does. The trick is figuring out which is which. I'm starting to think I'm on the right path. I guess that's all I can ask for. We'll know when I'm writing a post like this next December from a new computer in a new city, with a new job, with more new friends, and with a new life. Or maybe not. The interesting part will be seeing which fork in the road I decide to take when I get to it. Here's hoping I feel as hopeful and as happy then as I do right now. Because life is long and there's plenty of it ahead of me. And I don't want to squander a second of it.

Something tells me 2007 is going to be fun. I can't wait.