Crawling in silence, a simple excuse...

I know, I'm full of excuses these days. Here is the update!

• Work still sucks, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sweet-talked the printer and got an extra couple days to get things done. Score!
• Dodgeball 2nd round playoff game was tonight. I actually made it there in time to play (and played pretty well). We lost 6-4, but it was an incredibly close 6-4. They were the eventual champion, but it looks like we're putting together a Mr. Burns level all-star team to compete with them next season. A couple teams are folding and we're ending up with their best players. Looking forward to it already.
• Went out to Ale House after dodgeball with some people who were actually happy that my team lost. This was very disappointing knowledge. VERY DISAPPOINTING.
  
• Still no V For Vendetta review. These things take time! And now it'll never live up to the buildup!
  
• None of this Half Nekkid Thursday jibber jabber here. I know all you ladies are disappointed. Well, maybe one.
• Still enjoying Arctic Monkeys. Just a little bummed that one of my favorite lines on the album (the fake tan one in "Still Take You Home") is different from what I thought it was. I thought it was, "But I'’m struggling, I can'’t see through your fake tan, you know it for a fact that everybody sees it out to your hands," but it's actually, "you know it for a fact that everybody's eating out of your hands." Changes the whole context of the line. The power shifts to her. Yes, I am completely insane about music and lyrics like that. I still will be working, "you're all tarted up & you don't look the same," into conversation at some point.
• I do not have much funny to say. All funny is being used up elsewhere. Which makes me wonder how much funny there was in the first place. Or something. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.
  
• First person to get the title reference gets +5 cool points on the Maki scale. VERY hard to come by.
• Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

More to come, um, next week? Sorry, but the schedule's booked. In a good way. Yeah.

That's why we only work when we need the money.

Y'know, I'm starting to think the whole tag week thing was the worst thing I could have done to this blog. I set everyone's expectations of regular posting too high, and now I'm crushing them by only posting twice a week. That is, if you care all that much. If you do, well, I apologize to you for ruining your workday time waster. If you don't care... Well, you suck. But keep visiting! Please!

It's been a busy weekend. Lots of socialization mixed with heavy amounts of laying around and doing nothing. The plan was to do my taxes, but it appears that plan will have to wait until next weekend since a nap appealed to me more. Among other much more enjoyable social activities. Such is life.

I did see V For Vendetta on Friday night. Still working on the full review, but let's just say I really, really liked it, even if it had all the subtlety of a Jack Bauer interrogation. I'm going to go out on a limb and call it the next Fight Club, since it's a very polarizing film -- people are either going to love it to death or hate it with every fiber of their being. And it's not just their political stance that will determine that, but a lot of the techniques used in the film will rub many the wrong way. I see the same cult fan base developing around it... But that's a much longer post for another time. A time that is not Sunday night before a big work day.

When will that post (that Melissa will never read) arrive? Well, let's look into the Maki Magic 8-Ball to find our answers!

Maki: Magic 8-Ball, will I be working an incredibly long day on Monday?
Magic 8-Ball: It is certain

Maki: Magic 8-Ball, will I make it home in time for 24 tomorrow?
Magic 8-Ball: Don't count on it

Maki: Magic 8-Ball, will I have to work a 15-hour day on Tuesday?
Magic 8-Ball: Signs point to yes

Maki: Magic 8-Ball, will clients give me trouble approving the project on Wednesday?
Magic 8-Ball: It is certain

Maki: Magic 8-Ball, will I make it to our dodgeball playoff game at 7pm on Wednesday?
Magic 8-Ball: Reply hazy, try again

Maki: Are the salespeople, managers, printers and clients conspiring to drive me insane with what they're doing to me this week?
Magic 8-Ball: Better not tell you now

Maki: Magic 8-Ball, will I be posting my V For Vendetta review some time this week?
Magic 8-Ball: Concentrate and ask again

Maki: Magic 8-Ball, is my life pain?
Magic 8-Ball: Yes, definitely

Y'know, I was doing so well without the song references as titles and now the past two have me right back in that old habit. And they're even by the same band. Dammit.

The Samuel L. Jackson Academy Award push begins here!

Those of you who have been reading for a while may remember my love/hate relationship with the upcoming film epic Snakes On A Plane. It has come to my attention that a trailer has been released for it (not the real trailer, though.) Please click on Samuel L. Jackson below to watch it.

As you can see, we are about to witness the birth of a new era in filmmaking. And I couldn't be more excited. I mean, we've got Samuel L. declaring, "Enough is enough. I've had it with these snakes."* We have a man screaming little-girl style while holding a snake in front of his face. We have Samuel L. flinging a snake like a whip. We have Samuel L. using a taser on a snake. We have an angry cat being killed by a snake.** We have the awesome Kenan Thompson wielding a snack tray as a weapon. We have a fat woman unknowingly having a snake crawl out of her blouse. We have a terrified flight attendant chopping the head off a gigantic snake with an axe. In short? This movie has EVERYTHING I COULD POSSIBLY WANT IN A MOVIE.***

Now, herein lies the problem. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences doesn't tend to agree with me on what a good movie is. Granted, I see a lot of movies, some of which the Academy does enjoy right there with me. But most of the stuff I really love goes completely unrecognized by them. Fight Club, one of the most thoroughly modern and groundbreaking movies in both technique and execution, only nominated for a sound editing award? For shame. I feel now is the time to put an end to this. And being proactive is exactly the way to do it.

I've prepared a simple list of pros and cons to make things simpler for those who want to help in my cause. Now, I'm not expecting S.O.A.P. (best movie acronym ever) to win Best Picture. The Academy doesn't tend to be that radical. But I do expect nothing less than a Best Actor Oscar for Samuel L. Jackson come next March. Here's why:

Pro:
Samuel L. Jackson was completely robbed in 1994 for Pulp Fiction. That may be the most memorable performance of the '90s and Martin Landau goes home with the Oscar? Please. The man is due some retribution for that crime.

Con:
Formula 51, The Man, Star Wars Episodes 1, 2, 3,**** xXx, Twisted... Need I go on? There's not much he's had since probably Jackie Brown that's worth recognizing. The man will do anything for a paycheck these days, it seems. At least he had one of the best scenes ever committed to film in Deep Blue Sea, which I won't ruin for all four of you who haven't seen it, but I'll just say that it absolutely makes the movie. The movie goes from a 1-star movie to 3-stars on my scale just from that one scene alone. I'm not even joking.

Pro:
Denzel Washington is the lone African American male since Sidney Poitier to have won the Academy Award for Best Actor.

Con:
Denzel's a little smarter about the projects he signs onto. He even escaped Virtuosity relatively unscathed. Samuel doesn't have that luxury, as seen above. On the flip side of the coin, Samuel has a lot more boats than Denzel.

Pro:
If the Academy is looking to shed its "old fuddy duddy" image, S.O.A.P. is the perfect movie to do it.

Con:
The Academy tends to place the "snakes cause mortal peril to passengers on moving vehicle" genre somewhere just below "comedies" and "porn."

Pro:
Just think of the clips they have to choose from for the show when announcing his name in the nominees list!

Con:
The Academy will inevitably choose to show a clip that does not involve snakes. On a plane.

Pro:
According to Snakesonablog.com, (the definitive source for info on S.O.A.P.) the movie has had some reshoots to bump up the rating from a PG-13 to an R. This shows they are not willing to pull any punches when showing the epic struggle between snake and plane passenger.

Con:
The Academy likes their punches pulled. They like when films "keep it real," but not when they keep it too real.

Pro:
Marisa Tomei, Reese Witherspoon and Kim Bassinger all have Oscars. None are known for their acting talent.

Con:
Samuel L. Jackson is not eligible for Best Actress or Best Supporting Actress awards, even if he did wear a kilt in Formula 51.

It's looking like an uphill battle for Samuel L. Jackson as Best Actor for Snakes On A Plane. Now is the time to begin the letter-writing campaign to the academy. The more letters they get from people other than me, the better Samuel L.'s chances get. Hopefully they'll even overlook the fact that none of us have seen the movie yet. One can hope, since we know that justice is on our side! The entire staff here at More Junk From Maki***** are pulling for you, Samuel L.!

* Notice the weird little pause between "these" and "snakes?" I'm telling you, he either says "these fuckin' snakes" or "these muthafuckin' snakes" in the real version of the movie. I would put money on it.
** Nooooooo! Poor kitty.
*** Provided there's some gratuitous female nudity, and it had better not be the fat woman with the snake down her shirt.
**** Granted, no actor escaped unscathed from those (no, not even Ewan MacGregor) and he got his own action figure, but still.
***** All one of us.

I think I was born a few decades too late.

Seriously. Sometimes I wish I grew up in the '50s, where a white t-shirt and jeans were the standard going-out look. And I'm not talking about wife-beaters, either. I hate those damn things. I'm thinking just a plain white t-shirt. No corporate logos, no clever messages, no adornment... Just functional clothing that protects you from the elements and keeps you from going out naked.

I would totally fit in as a '50s dude. I even have that '50s attitude of wanting to kick the crap out of commies and stuff. Of course, I'd probably have been the dude who tried to get everyone to listen to that Presley guy who was pretending he was black. I'd be the one telling everybody that they need to get that new Miles Davis record, because it's slick, daddy-o. But nobody would listen to me and then they'd try to loan me the LP six months after I first told them about it. Because the more things change, the more they stay the same, you know.

My looks wouldn't even matter that much in the '50s because back then, men were men and women were dames. And you know what, I wouldn't even be talking about clothing and stuff like this because '50s men didn't talk about that. They left clothing talk to the broads and went about their manly business and wore hats everywhere. Dress hats like fedoras and stuff. Because Indiana Jones and computer programmers weren't the only ones wearing fedoras back then. And the only ones wearing ballcaps were baseball players and you only wore white socks if you were playing basketball or you were a dame. If you were playing basketball the score would be 14-10 after 48 minutes because everyone ran the Princeton offense because there was no shot clock back then. Baseball players broke records on athletic ability, not because they had the best hookup. If you rooted for a college's football team it's because you went there. People didn't run just for the hell of it and we ate bacon and eggs every breakfast and steak for every dinner because the only vegetarians back then were cows and rabbits and nobody cared about their cholesterol.

I would drive a gigantic Ford or Chevrolet that got 6 miles per gallon because it was all steel, no plastic and it would have bitchin' huge fins over the tail lights and a gigantic backseat for making out with my steady. Swearing was something reserved for when you were putting down a commie pinko bastard and never used in front of a lady, because it's not classy to swear in from of a dame. There were no words like metrosexual or crunk or lactose intolerant. Movie stars were famous because they were actually good actors. The Rat Pack were the coolest people alive, despite being boozing womanizers. Maybe because they were boozing womanizers.But they never roughed women up because a guy who roughs up dames deserves to have the crap kicked out of him. Smoking was good for you in the '50s and everyone looked cool at all times because there was always that atmospheric wisp of smoke about one's person.

I would totally rock the '50s, man.

Or maybe I know nothing about the '50s except what I've seen in movies and stuff and just needed an excuse to post a picture of those damn jeans. I do think I'm going to start wearing plain white t-shirts and jeans out wherever I go, though. I'm kind of partial to the look.

Dammit! Scheduling conflicts suck.

It looks like my sister's graduation from law school is on the exact same weekend as the Jacksonville Film Festival. Which I will undoubtedly have VIP passes for after doing their section. Think one of the two can be rescheduled to accommodate me?

The best part is that I can almost guarantee you I will have nothing else going on for every other weekend in May, including Memorial Day. Just you watch. Dammit.

Just an aside, never trust a dude with two first names. This is why I hate Toby Keith.

My weekend was pretty good. How was yours?

Mutual Hatred Society

Okay, so back to our somewhat normal routine. That's not quite entirely accurate, since my normal routine would be to wait until next week to post something, because, well, that's how things work around here since I'm a lazy bastard. Take heart, though! I've promised to get better at this blog thing. It'll be like the old days. The good old days. But I digress.

So, I was reading Y The Last Man the other day* and two of the characters have a conversation about how the strongest relationships are forged not by mutual interest, but by mutual hatred. Not that the two people in the relationship hate each other, mind you, but that they share a hatred of the same things. And not easy stuff like taxes or crappy drivers or the New York Yankees or Paris Hilton or clever installation art or MTV or Kobe Bryant or other peoples' farts. Everybody hates those things. A real bond is forged when you hate things that most other people seem to love. Even if you don't share the same likes, you can both share in your hates. It's still a mutually beneficial thing you've got going on, after all. I would think it can be pretty therapeutic.

I'm realizing that this may be the problem I've had lately. I've been thinking on the Nick Hornby High Fidelity wavelength of, "if your favorite movies met at a party, would they speak to each other?" I have been looking for women who enjoy the same things I do. I obviously need to switch this up and not care so much about what they like, but pay particular attention to what they vehemently dislike.

Think about it on a broader scale and it makes a lot of sense. When are the times when our country has been the most united? When we have a common enemy. Wrong or right, after 9/11 there were very few people not calling for old Osama's head on a spike. We were a country united in hatred of one dude. Same as with World War II and Hitler. Imagine being able to harness that unity, that sense of camaraderie that we all shared in those times of strife and bring it into every relationship you have. Strong stuff, wouldn't you say? After all, it's not that far a step to go from Osama bin Laden to Tom Cruise and from Adolf Hitler to Ashlee Simpson. A country united against a common evil is a powerful thing.

What I need to do now is find a woman who despises all the same things I despise. Does the smell of shrimp make you ill? Think gauchos are kind of ridiculous? Wish Andy Warhol had never been born? Does country music make you want to kill somebody? Especially that Toby Keith fucker? Think all Spike Lee movies suck except for Do The Right Thing? Think Kanye is the single most overrated artist of our time? Do you hate healthy cereals? If so, my place is only a few blocks from here, baby. I think it's time to lay down by the fire and make sweet love. I'll even give you a pass if you like post-1984 Michael Jackson. That's how well I'm channeling all my negative energy at this point.

Go forth and share the hate, kids. Then all you weirdos who think the Beatles suck can hook up and keep it to yourselves. Same with all the 24-haters. Freaks.

* Yes, it's a comic. Yes, I am almost 30 and still read the not-so-occasional comic. They actually set me on my career path, strangely enough, so don't knock 'em.

Tag week day seven! aka "Yeah! It's the Juggernaut, bitch!"

The finale. I know you guys are all happy and saddened to see it end. I am completely lying on the time because Blogger was down for 2 hours and then M called and I talked to her and then I had dodgeball and it's not my fault, people.

Ten years ago, March 1996:
Sophomore year at JU. Good times, even though I'd just broken up with my long-term, long-distance girlfriend. Drinking heavily. Not recalling much else. First met PK, roomed with Caz, spent plenty of time playing basketball. And drinking. Heavily.

Five years ago, March 2001:
I just got back from my trip to Japan. I was still living in San Marco in the pimpest apartment in existence and enjoying life. I was also house shopping. Killed a home invader with my bare hands. Good times.

One year ago, March 2005:
Um, I was writing a blog on Blogspot. Much better than I do these days. I had the same job. I had no girlfriend. I worked out at the YMCA three or four days a week. This sounds vaguely familiar.

Yesterday, March 7, 2006:
I didn't get much sleep the night before and took a sick day solely for the sake of sleeping in until noon, which I did. From that point forward things get hazy. I remember flashes of gunfire, voices swearing in Chechnyan, the sounds of a crying baby and a cell phone repeatedly ringing with the theme from Rocky. And this was all before I left the westside.

Tomorrow, March 9, 2006:
I roll into work with a hangover. I work like a dog during the day. In the evening I prepare for Big Orlando Bender Weekend: The Sequel by withdrawing large amounts of cash from the ATM. I go to some graphic designers' event at The Brick near my house. I drink. Heavily.

In the grand finale to tag week, I officially tag anyone that's ever commented here, including:
Alonzo Mosley, FBI
Beaner Dog (for the sake of completeness)
Beth
Blue Dog Art
Candace
Caz
Corbie
Holly
Jacob
Jax Peach
Katie
Katrina
Lindsay
Liz
Mark
Matt
Melis
Piu
PK (time to start a new one)
Six
Shit, even Tom.

And you, yeah you, random blog wanderer lurker person. I just tagged you. Answer the tag already! Stop lurking! Comment!

If you're wondering where the hell all the stupid-ass quotes I've been using all week have come from, go here. If you haven't seen this already, where have you been? Do they have internet where you live?

Coming tomorrow: absolutely nothing. Maybe. Probably. Likely.

Tag week day six! aka "Initiate laser dodging!"

Rejoice! The end of tag week is nigh. Today's tag is all about blogging. Because I don't tend to talk about that enough. And it's an excuse to use blog as a verb. Right on.

1. What time of year do you blog the most?
It appears the spring, especially March & April. Hell, I had 64 posts in those two months alone last year. April through June seem to be the months I toss out my funniest shit, though. I was on a roll at that point last year. Of course, I only had like 6 readers back then, as opposed to the 12 I have now.

2. What time of year do you seem to blog the least?
The dead of winter, November & December for sure. I only had 15 posts total in those months. Not good at all! Too much going on, I guess. There's only a couple funny posts in there too, so it's really a down time in general.

3. What time of DAY do you do your most blogging?
It seems to be no earlier than 10pm. Especially since I am completely blocked from posting anything but comments from work. In general, some time between 11:15pm and 1am is the rule, as opposed to the exception. Today excluded, of course.

4. When blog-hopping, do you tend to look at your blogroll list (or fave blogs) to see which ones have been updated, or do you visit your faves on a regular basis regardless?
I do the Firefox "Open in Tabs" deal with my blogs bookmark folder whenever I get home from work. This opens about 40 tabs at once. It makes it easy to flip through and see which ones have new stuff. It's a shame I comment on other peoples' blogs so seldom these days. Keep the faith, though! I am reading them daily, if it means anything to you people.

5. Do you change your blogroll often?
I need to delete a bunch from my bookmarks that have sapped my will to live because they are such pale imitations of their former selves. In other words, they suck now. Badly. Mine falls under that category some days, I'll admit. I'm trying to remedy that, though. As for new ones, I have only added one or two in the past month or so. Leave a funny enough comment somewhere and I'll check your site out. A bookmark from me is an honor, you know.

6. How many times a day, after writing a new post, do you check for new comments?
My Gmail lets me know whenever there's a new comment and I probably check my Gmail Notifier widget no less that 150 times a day. At a conservative estimate. I seek constant validation for the time I put into this. I am obsessed with the comments you people leave. You think I'm joking.

7. Do you leave comments on others' blogs, or are you more of a lurker?
I used to leave a ton of comments everywhere, but now it has to be a post I really enjoy and can say something witty and sarcastic about in order for me to leave a new one. I'll admit I could double my readership if I commented all over the place and did it more frequently, but I'm long past the "comments as self-promotion" phase, so I only comment on stuff I think is particularly good.

See? A simple tag. Remember, all tags should use a multiple of 7 questions, for some odd reason. Maybe because it's a prime number? Weird.

Coming tomorrow: Possibly nothing, since I'll be at dodgeball later in the evening. Cross your fingers and hope you're lucky enough to be graced with a grand finale to tag week.

Tag week day five! aka "Silly bitch! Your weapons cannot harm me!"

Tag week continues. You know you love it. This means you, Tom. Holly sent this to me via e-mail, so it's as good a tag as any to use. I will edit out stuff I've answered already though. This one is extra-long to ensure less comments. Because that's how things work around here.

1. What time did you get up this morning? Alarm went off at 6:45, I got out of bed at 7:50. And that was after quite a fight with my brain sending signals to my limbs that were completely ignored.

2. Diamonds or pearls? Not Prince's best album.

3. What was the last film you saw at the movies? I saw Firewall a couple weeks ago. The best part was the extended instrumental version of Massive Attack's "Angel" that ran over the opening credits. I was disappointed Harrison Ford didn't point at anyone angrily, though. I mean, shit, that's why I go to Harrison Ford movies.

4. What did you have for breakfast? Cocoa Pebbles and a Starbucks Java Chip frappuccino. What can I say, I was in a chocolatey mood.

5. What is your middle name? David. Incredibly biblical, when paired with my first name. Which I never mention here anymore.

6. What is your favorite cuisine? Mexican. If that even counts as "cuisine."

7. What food do you dislike? All seafood, especially shrimp. I do like some sushi, though.

8. Your favorite potato chip? Do Doritos count? Otherwise, Baked Lays. Heh, "lays."

9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Mos Def, Black On Both Sides. Much better than The New Danger. Dude needs to put out more solo discs.

10. What kind of car do you drive? A bitchin' Hyundai Santa Fe. Seriously, it's a fresh ride. Feel free to stalk me on the roads now.

11. Favorite sandwich? Peanut Butter & Jelly. It's delicious and nutritious. A true American classic.

12. What characteristics do you despise? A good sense of humor and a keen sense of irony.

13. Favorite item of clothing? Low-rise boot-cut jeans. Of course. What the hell else did you think I was going to answer?

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Antarctica. Hey, I need some excuse to go there, other than testing how quickly a Florida guy can catch hypothermia.

15. What color is your bathroom? Black & white tiles. It's very retro.

16. Favorite brand of clothing? Don't ever ask me that again. I'm not joking.

17. Where would you want to retire to? Well, considering I live in Florida already, I guess anywhere else. Antarctica?

18. Favorite time of day? Noon, surprisingly enough.

19. Where were you born? Orlando, Florida. Obviously I have gone quite far from home.

20. Favorite sport to watch? Basketball, though watching it just makes me want to play.

21. What laundry detergent do you use? Ok, seriously. Who wrote this shit. Coldwater Tide. Happy now?

22. Coke or Pepsi? Mountain Dew Baja Blast. Coke? Pepsi? "Zap yo dumb ass..."

23. Are you a morning person or night owl? Check my post times and you'll know the answer to that one. C'mon now.

24. Do you have any pets? Two partially retarded cats. Soon to be one once my sister graduates and moves into her own place.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? Last regular-season dodgeball game at 9pm this Wednesday. Watch us play Planet Radio people. And win. I hope. Also, I'm pregnant!

26. What did you want to be when you were little? A chef. I think I just wanted to wear the funky hat and get free food.

27. Favorite candy bar? Snickers. Like there's even a choice.

28. What is your best childhood memory? Killing a home invader with my bare hands when I was 7. Bastard had it coming.

29. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Bagman at Publix, auto parts deliveryman, technical recruiter, food service for Big Orlando Theme Park, envelope stuffer, hired assassin, intramural sports referee & coordinator, graphic designer

30. What color underwear are you wearing? That's for me to know and you to find out. Unless you're male. Then you need to stop asking. Immediately.

31. Nicknames? Don't make me hurt you. I think there are 500 variations that all use "mack" in one form or another.

32. Piercing? No. Is it a sign of modern times that I'm weird for not having any piercings?

33. Eye color? Sapphire. Azure. Blue. I can see into your soul. And it's ugly.

34. Ever been to Africa? Yeah, because I'm big on social unrest and government destabilization and getting shot at and shit. Especially when I'm on fucking vacation.

35. Ever been toilet papering? No. Always seemed kind of like a lame prank to me.

36. Love someone so much it made you cry? I love you all so much it makes me cry. Even Tom.

37. Been in a car accident? Too many. I'm a goddamn menace.

38. Croutons or bacon bits? Ok, seriously. What the fuck. I'd think you were running out of questions but there's still like 75 more to go.

39. Favorite day of the week? Anybody who doesn't answer Saturday must have something wrong with them. They're crazy! Insane in the membrane! God help them!

40. Favorite restaurant? Taco fuckin' Bell. Or bb's.

41. Favorite flower? I'm not answering that. Ok, fine. Tulips. Why? I have no idea. I can't smell flowers anyway, so it doesn't matter. Weird, I know. I have no sense of smell at all, apparently.

42. Favorite ice cream? Mint chocolate chip. It reminds me of the time I killed a home invader with my bare hands.

43. Disney or Warner brothers? Pixar. But does it really matter? WB did have that "What's Opera, Doc?" cartoon that is a bona fide classic. I mean, Bugs Bunny in drag as a viking chick? What's not to love? Don't answer that.

44. Favorite fast food restaurant? Wait, so this is different from that previous restaurant question? Is somebody just pulling this shit off the top of their heads? Why not ask this immediately following the other one? I hate this tag already. And I'm only on question 44. Like I said already, Taco fuckin' Bell, man.

45. What color is your bedroom carpet? That's for me to know and you to find out. Unless you're male. Oh, wait, never mind, I have hardwood floors. Because I am truly awesome.

46. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Never. It's not that hard to drive a car, people. I mean, really. If you failed your drivers' test you should just move to a city with public transit. Be lucky you get that because if you can't pass a driver's test you don't deserve to live in the 21st Century. In fact, you don't deserve to live at all. Seriously.

47. What store would you choose to max out your credit card? I am a fiscally responsible person who would never do that, ever. Best Buy.

48. What do you do when you are bored? I kill home invaders. With my goddamn bare hands.

49. Bedtime? Somewhere between 11:30pm and 7am

50. What is your first memory? Killing a home invader with my bare hands. I repressed that memory for quite a while BUT NOW IT'S OUT AND I CAN'T PUT IT BACK GODDAMMIT.

51. What are you listening to right now? The dulcet tones of my fingers tapping keys in rapid succession. And New Order's "Dreams Never End."

52. What is your favorite color? That's a rather personal question, don't you think?

53. Lake, ocean or river? I hate you.

54. How many tattoos do you have? None. Still haven't figured out what I'd want on my body that'll still be there 50 years from now. I'll get one when I figure it out, though. Maybe it'll be something like, "Trucker Hats Strike Back!" and it'll have a trucker hat and some of that ghetto-ass old english writing underneath. I'm going to the tattoo parlor tomorrow.

55. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Egg & Muffin Toaster.

56. What time did you finish this? Read the time next to the comment button, lazy ass.

Coming tomorrow: Tag week is almost over. Rejoice, since it will be a short one. Oh yeah, wish me a happy half-birthday since I turned 29-and-a-half today. Still not quite 30, bitches!

Tag week day four! aka "Feel the wrath of the daughter of Bret Hart!"

High school. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Or something.

Year: Graduated from high school in 1994. A long, long time ago.

1. Who was your best friend? I guess it would be Cliff, though it kind of switched around through the years.

2. What sports did you play? I tried everything but only competed in football, wrestling and bowling "officially." Basketball was my best sport but I never tried out since I hated the coach and knew I wouldn't last a full season without pulling a Latrell Sprewell on him.

3. What kind of car did you drive? 1987 Pontiac Bonneville. Gray. Ugly as hell but hauled ass and I had a monster sound system in it. It also could fit about 8 people inside. It was awesome.

4. It's Friday night, where are you at? Football games in the fall, party at somebody's house pretty much every other weekend after that.

5. Were you a party animal? Freshman year? Not really. Every year after that, yes. With yes being a bit of an understatement.

6. Were you in the "In Crowd"? Not really. I was friends with the majority of the people in my class (my school only had 200 or so kids in each class). I hung out equally with the jocks, the stoners, the "cool" kids, the valedictorians and the geeks. I never really fit in with any of them more than the others, though.

7. Ever skip school? Strangely enough, no. I never did. My parents made it clear that doing that would not be in my best interest. I really don't know what I would have done instead anyway.

8. Ever smoke a cigarette? Not in high school. Really haven't smoked many afterwards, either. I did try my first cigar my senior year and enjoyed them on and off for quite a few years afterward until my doctor told me it was in my best interest not to smoke them ever again.

9. Were you a nerd? Guess it depends on who you ask. I got pretty good grades, was in honors classes, and ended up getting an academic scholarship to college (lord only knows why) so I guess so.

10. Did you ever get suspended/expelled? Suspended, yes. Expelled, no. I got suspended for a week for tossing a large Coke on a kid who had spit in it. I guess the fact that they broke it up before we started swinging makes it kind of a lame way to get suspended. It didn't help that the dean was the wrestling coach and the kid who spit in my Coke was his favorite wrestler.

11. Can you sing the Alma Mater? I'm gonna take the Fifth on this one.

12. Who was your favorite teacher? Fr. Leo, my theology teacher freshman and senior year. He actually married a couple of my friends from college in 1999 in one of those weird coincidences. He's a priest you'll never hear about on the news or anything because he's actually a genuinely good person.

13. Favorite class? Sculpture. The teacher, Vince, loved me because I actually made some really good artwork (for a high schooler) and didn't treat it like a free period. It helped that there were always dumb hot girls in that class.

14. What was your school's full name? Bishop Moore High School. It's now called Bishop Moore Catholic High School, but I think BMHS is a long enough abbreviation already.

15. School mascot? The Hornet. He even looked like Georgia Tech's yellowjacket.

16. Did you go to Prom? Yes!

17. Would you go back again and do it over? Yes, and I would have a lot more sex than I did. Just being honest.

18. What do you remember most about graduation? I don't remember much. I guess so many of my family members making the trip down from Minnesota was cool.

19. Favorite memory of senior year? Spring Break. Among other things.

20. Were you ever posted on the senior wall? I don't think we had a senior wall. Not even sure I know what that is. Is it a northern thing?

21. Did you have a job your senior year? I worked at Publix as a bagger & stockman. Read the previous post for a little bit more about that.

22. Who did you date? I didn't really date until my senior year. I took a girl named Amy to homecoming, which went disastrously. After that I dated Stacy for the rest of my senior year .

23. Have you gained weight since then? I put on about 15 pounds during college and have put on 15 more since I started working out. So I'm heavier, but the majority of it is muscle weight. Now if I went back on my wrestling diet, lord only knows what would happen...

24. What did you do after graduation? Immediately afterwards we had a party at my house, which was a great time. For that summer I delivered auto parts (again, see previous post) after quitting Publix. That August I went up to Jacksonville for JU and the rest is history.

I shall actually tag people for this one.
Matt
Mark
Holly
Lindsay (because I'm sure hers will be entertaining)

Tag week Day Three! aka "Comb yo beard, I don't wanna hear that shit."

I'm feeling lazy so I think I'll just steal a tag that's been going around lately that Liz answered recently. I'll pull fresh ones for the rest of the week, I promise. At least this one is really, really long. Which guarantees less comments. Yes!

Four jobs I've had
I've had way too many jobs. Lots more than just these, but these are the first to come to mind.

1. Publix bagger/stockman - My first job and the only job I've ever been suspended from and sent home. I guess collecting carts in the nearby neighborhood with one of my friends for two hours was a bad idea. Especially when the manager drives by us on his way home. Whoops. At least I got to tell him I'd be going to college the next year and eventually getting a real job and he was always going to be a manager at Publix until the day he died. Which is exactly what happened.
   
2. Auto parts delivery dude - I got to drive around all day listening to the radio (back when it played good music) and learned every single road in Orlando and the quickest way to get there. Awesome job.
3. Recruiter for a tech job-placement firm - Summer gig that paid incredibly well but drained the life out of me completely. I actually got fired from this one in one of those stupid management "symbolic move" things. The manager called me in at 4:30 on a Thursday afternoon and explained for 45 minutes why I was being fired and how it wasn't really my fault. He even tried to show me charts and numbers. It was like one of those breakups where they just won't stop talking and just leave. I told him to pay me for Friday and thanked him for giving me an excuse to get a new job that didn't make me want to shoot myself in the head by the time 5pm rolled around.
4. Big Orlando Theme Park food services dude - The people that worked there were great, but you see the absolute worst in humanity from the customers while working a job like that. At least I got to get in free whenever I wanted and got to skip in line for rides. Felt like the best job ever after that last one.

Four movies I can watch over and over
Ok, I answered this last time but never gave explanations. So enjoy.

1. Out Of Sight - Perfectly structured, perfectly cast. So good an Elmore Leonard adaptation that it's better than the book it's based on. So many little details in the dialogue, the performances and the timing that it even makes you think Jennifer Lopez can act -- a miracle in itself. I've seen it around 100 times now and it only gets better every time I watch it.
2. Fight Club - Not much I can say that hasn't been said by everyone else, but the first act is some of the darkest, funniest stuff ever committed to film. That everything else is so mind-blowing is just icing on the cake. Those who dismiss it as nihilism run amok or "violence porn" are complete idiots.
3. The Empire Strikes Back - The most perfectly-structured third act I've seen in any film. As if Han Solo wasn't a badass enough character before then, his "I know" response to Leia before getting frozen clinched it. An intense scene with a perfect fusion of performance, direction and score that is only one-upped by one of the most famous dialogue exchanges in movie history 15 minutes later. How anyone can defend the prequels after watching this is beyond me.
4. Alien - One of the few movies that genuinely scared me. The creature is perfectly designed and the performances for every character are spot-on. Add Ridley Scott's incredible style onto that and you have a movie I can not only watch, but analyze almost frame-by-frame.

Four places I have lived
Considering I've lived in Florida my entire life, I'll just list Jacksonville locations. All you out-of-towners can skip this one, I guess.

1. Arlington (Riverbend) - Only place I've been threatened to be evicted from. Twice. Senior year at JU was an absolute blast and the Halloween party is still spoken of in reverent tones.
2. Regency - The rent was cheap and the commute to work wasn't too bad. I have good memories since this was my first solo place to live. Makes me gloss over how tiny the apartment was and how shitty the complex was. Remember the toddler who made national news after she lived alone for 3 weeks following her mom's arrest, surviving off of dried spaghetti and ketchup? That happened in my complex. Rock.
3. San Marco - My favorite place in town, even if everyone thought I was gay when they heard I lived there. Within walking distance of plenty of bars, restaurants and whatnot, it was truly a blast living there. Too bad I lived at ground zero for the worst flooding in town, but that was good entertainment when people in bigass trucks thought they could make it through 2-foot-deep water.
4. Avondale - Current location. Awesome property value that's going to make me a ton of money, but I think I've spent that much driving out to the beaches every weekend since nobody ever comes out this way.

Four TV shows I like to watch
I'll mention a defunct one just because I only watch three that are still on the air.

1. 24 - If I need to explain why I love it, you haven't been reading.
2. Survivor - I once again hate 95% of the cast. I'm like an abused wife who keeps coming back for more and then complaining. The only show my parents and I both watch, so I have to keep up with it.
3. Lost - I stopped for a while because it pissed me off and then I had dodgeball on Wednesdays. I've been promised it got better again and have been loaned the episodes I missed, so I guess I will now catch up. Unless it pisses me off again.
4. Buffy The Vampire Slayer - People that dismissed the show as "WB chick kills monsters" really missed out. Some of the best character development and continuity of any television show ever. Consistently surprising and funny as hell, to boot.

Four foods that I like
Um, okay. No explanations.

1. Samoas
2. Quaker Chewy Granola Bars (any flavor)
3. Taco fuckin' Bell
   
4. Chicken Cordon Bleu

Four websites I visit daily

1. Achewood
2. Gmail
3. More Junk From Maki
4. The blogs of pretty much everyone that comments here

Four things I want to do before I die
See the previous post. Come up with some new stuff, tag people!

Four places I would rather be right now

1. My bed - No explanation necessary.
2. London - I miss it and I was there 11 months ago already now...
3. Vegas - Linus: "Vegas, huh?" Danny: "America's playground..."
4. A really good concert - Since I haven't been to a really good one in ages.

Coming Sunday: I have no idea!

Tag week continues! aka "See my spaceship? This is a Dodge!"

Here's a tag from KitKat way back on January 10. Again, better late than never. And on a Friday, no less! I think I've done this one already (I remember giving a snide answer to that "7 things I say" part in the past, but I'm too lazy to go find it). Either way, enjoy.

7 things I'd like to do before I die:
1. Eat more Samoas
2. Visit all 7 continents (3 left...)
3. I guess get married at some point
4. Party like it's 1999
5. Meet more of you, my dear loyal readers
6. Fill another 60 gig iPod
7. Bring about world peace, especially in the middle east

7 things I currently cannot do:
1. Understand how Cypress Hill could just kill a man
2. Read One Hundred Years of Solitude ever again
3. Listen to country or boy bands
4. Stop joking around for even one minute
5. Sing well anywhere but in the car
6. Listen to Moby's Animal Rights ever again
7. Understand why the hell our troops are still in Iraq & Afghanistan

7 things that attract me to blogging:
1. It's actually fun sometimes
2. It forces me to look at the world differently, in terms of how I'd translate the stupid stuff that happens to me into a better story
3. It's broadened my circle of friends, sad as that sounds
4. Comments give me something to check incessantly at work whenever I have downtime
5. It means I barely ever have to call my friends to tell them what's new
6. Hey, it's free
7. Popularity on the internet is my first step towards total world domination

7 things I say most often:
1. "Dude."
2. "Awesome."
3. "Seriously."
4. "Yeah, you do that."
5. "Yeah, I'll get right on that."
6. "Indeed."
7. "Yes, I feel truly stupid to have been attracted to Britney Spears at one point."

7 books I love:
1. A Prayer For Owen Meany by John Irving
2. Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk
3. Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk
4. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
5. Rum Punch by Elmore Leonard
6. The Complete Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson
7. Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling

7 movies I watch over and over again:
1. Out of Sight (1998)
2. Fight Club (1999)
3. The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
4. Alien (1979)
5. Casablanca (1941)
6. Pulp Fiction (1994)
7. Evil Dead 2 (1987)

Tomorrow's recipe is chicken!

Tag week begins! Yes, on a Thursday!

In an effort to present you the titular More Junk that my blog name advertises, I bring you... Tag week! I will finally be responding to tags I've been sent or picking random tags I like each day for the next week. Feel lucky. Especially for the music ones, since I'll actually be providing you the songs I reference, so you can feel somewhat cool because then you'll know what the hell I'm talking about when I reference them. First up? A tag Liz sent me on February 13th. At least it was this year. Better late than never, right? As always, feel free to tag yo'self if you see the need.

The rules: List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they a’re any good, but they must be songs you a’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. At this point you're supposed to tag people, BUT I REFUSE.

1. She Wants Revenge - "Tear You Apart": My new favorite song right now. Sleazy as hell, but who cares? I will admit the first time I heard this I said, "hey, I never knew the dude from Interpol had a side project!" Then I realized it's not the dude from Interpol. It's still awesome, though.

2. New Order - "Morning Night And Day": Have I mentioned lately that I love New Order? Well, I guess I just did. I was really let down by Waiting For The Sirens' Call when it came out last year, but it's really picked up some steam for me recently. This song is one of the better ones on there and it's not quite as cheesy lyrics-wise as some of the other stuff. Then again, lyrics have never been New Order's strong suit anyway. The guitar riff in the chorus is just classic, though.

3. Blur - "Tender": For my money, Blur's best song. Problem is that it really doesn't sound anything like the rest of Blur's output. It's all bluesy and country and gospel and it's almost 8 minutes long, which pretty much makes it stand out from everything else they've done. This one feels the weightiest and most meaningful, too. That's probably why it tanked instantly as a single. Such is life. Love the lyrics, though.

4. Sarah Vaughn - "Summertime (UFO Remix)": Ok, this song is just creepy. But not in a bad way... In that awesome Portishead-type way, where it's got that hint of sexiness to it. I heard the remix on those awesome Verve Remixed discs before hearing the original. After hearing the original, I see how little they had to change to give it that creepy vibe with the strings, since the strings were always there. Just a weird song in general. Enjoy. Or not, since most of you won't like it. Definitely not the original. Oh well.

5. Massive Attack - "Black Milk": Holy crap, this song is so good. So so good. So so so so so so good. More than a few people have described the whole Mezzanine album as perfect sex music, and well, it's tough to argue with that after hearing a track like this. I didn't know what the lyrics were until I looked them up just now, but I know the exact cadence and pitch of every word said. It's almost like learning another language phonetically. The point is that it never matters that Liz Fraser doesn't try to enunciate the words she's singing because it's all about the mood. Any more and the lyrics would take away from what is one of the best-produced, most deeply textured songs I've ever heard. Anyway, I'm through talking about it, just download the damn song already.

6. Talib Kweli & Hi Tek - "Africa Dream": "These cats drink champagne and toast to death and pain like slaves on a ship talkin' 'bout who got the flyest chain." Lyrics like that are why nobody starts shit with Kweli. Because they know he's right and they have no excuses. This track is also Hi Tek's best work on the album. It's a great example of how to build really slow, then reward the listener completely once the beat kicks in. The wait makes it that much better.

7. John Marr - "Toxic Rhythm": 100% guilty fucking pleasure. I should hate this song, but I just can't. Don't ask me where I got it or why I decided to download it, but just download it yourself and enjoy, because it works so well when it really, really shouldn't.

Coming tomorrow (yes, tomorrow!): KitKat's tag from January 10th! We're stepping into the way-back machine for this one, kids.