Everybody loves me only for my "24" knowledge.

So, in the weeks preceding the HUGE PREMIERE EVENT ON FOX, which was TWO DAYS, FOUR HOURS OF 24 ON FOX, which we were reminded of during every Fox sporting event possible, it seems the number of visits I get per day has absolutely shot through the roof. The reason for this is simple...

Everybody loves The "Official" 24 Drinking Game.

Seriously. You would not believe how many people come here looking for that. Especially lately. It's kinda-sorta disturbing, and it really speaks to the lack of 24-related drinking games out there on The Internets. I mean, sure, there's the "dammit" one, but I really think people want more than that since you're only gonna hear it a couple times per episode. With the new season here already (which is FRIGGIN' AWESOME so far, but you knew I was gonna say that) I'm not sure if I should add new rules or not. I mean, so far we've had a man kicked out of a moving subway car, only to explode seconds later, we've had a man's jugular ripped out by another man's teeth, we've had an air-strike on a residential house, we've had both Kumar and Black Bauer killed, we've had a freaking nuclear bomb go off in the middle of LA and it's only the first four hours! I mean, really, the body count is already off the charts. Jack's had to ditch two blood-soaked shirts and he'd only been out of a chinese prison for 90 minutes! There would just be too many new rules, and I think a ton of the old ones still apply.

Teenager in peril? Check.

Cell phones and rude hangups? Check.

Nonsense computer techno-babble? Check.

Nobody believing Jack? Check.

Jack being right anyway? Check.

"Not enough time?" Check.

Jack killing at least one person per hour? Check.

I could go on and on. And that's just the first four hours! But again, this is why I love this show. It's like one big, long action movie that really doesn't make sense when you stop to think about it, but considering how much I overanalyze everything else, it's nice to shut off my brain for a while and just watch somebody going around kicking people's asses. Preferably when they're terrorists. Actually, especially when they're terrorists.

I can't be happier that The Jack Bauer Power Hour is back. God bless America. God bless Fox. God bless Jack Bauer!


PS: For those who don't know, this show is absolutely insane in HD. Had to throw that in there.

Attention, Ford F-150 driver on I-95!

Yeah, you in the gigantic Ford F-150 that gets 6 miles per gallon on the highway. I'm talking to you. You need to stop and pay attention, right now.

Why?

Well, I'll tell you why. Listen up.

Scientists estimate that light travels at a speed of approximately 670,616,629 miles per hour. Yes, much faster than your Ford F-150, even downhill. "Why," you may ask, "do I care about the speed of light?" Well, this part is important. What our eyes actually see is the light reflected off of objects. You're not seeing an object, you're seeing the light that is bouncing off of the object. I know, it's heavy-duty science stuff to comprehend, especially for a guy in a Ford F-150 with six tires because four just isn't enough, but it's okay. Stay with me. I know, I know, it doesn't involve NASCAR or Gator football, but it's okay. Expand your horizons. Stay with me here.

Now, considering the distance that light can travel in a year (hint: really, really, mind-bogglingly far) , when we observe stars in space, we are actually seeing light that left them hundreds of years ago, if not thousands. The star could no longer exist, yet we still see the light that it broadcast before it died. The same goes for planets. Anything we can possibly observe on another planet will have already occurred long ago. Think of it like the 7-second delay between the real football game and the broadcast on TV. Except the delay is years and years and years. Is this making sense? I hope so. I hope I'm not losing you.

It is assumed that once our society is long dead, and our planet extinct, all that will remain is the light that has reflected off of our planet and out into the universe. Well, that and our radio and television broadcasts, provided they can be interpreted by an alien civilization. Which is iffy.*

Ok, driver in six-wheeled Ford F-150 on I-95. You need to pay attention because this part concerns you.

If you think about the light that reflects off of you being seen by an alien telescope millions of light years away millions of years from now, do you really want your eternal legacy, in fact the legacy of the human species, to be you picking your nose? And then eating it? Is you excavating a monstrous chunk and then devouring it to be your crowning achievement that will live on forever? God, I hope not. Yet there you are, chiseling away in your nostril. Knock it off man, seriously. Either get a tissue or wait until you're home, man. That's just nasty. Just remember that if I can see it, chances are the aliens of the year 3257609507 can see it, too. You need to represent us better. And yes, this is coming from the guy whose eternal legacy will be laying in the gutter outside My Place Bar on New Year's Eve Eve a few years ago shouting, "yeah, that's all me!" while high-fiving random passers-by. But at least I have an excuse, dude. All you have is a sticker of Calvin peeing on a Chevy logo. I sure hope the aliens can figure out what that one means.**


* Total side note here, but which is more depressing? The fact that a speech by Hitler was the first radio broadcast to actually leave our planet (and is likely to be picked up first by whatever other civilization exists out there) or the fact that we have ten years of Friends episodes that will outlive the human race as we know it by traveling out into space? Ten years worth of Friends. It just gets me angry thinking about it. Wonder if it's still as unfunny to aliens as it was to me?

** Now that I think about it, I hope they don't.

Six Weeks. AKA Get A Move On.

Welcome to 2007! I guess this means I'm back to the whole blogiverse thing. I bring you no "missions" this year, though. I think we all know how last year's ended up, now don't we? In spite of all my positivity, let's just say I fell a little short in those (2-drink limit, anyone?) And, of course, it's more fun to make up missions as I go. I figure why cram them all into the beginning of the year when I've got a whole rest of the year to work with, right? Yes, this is my pre-made excuse for later in the year. I'm just sayin'.

Alright, music, if you want it.

So, anyway, the title of this post! I know there was a short-lived, long-deleted post (that nobody but me could read) with the title "Six Weeks" which happened to be posted six weeks ago. Go figure! What did it mean? Well, the meaning's changed quite a bit since then, but it's still got some validity for me. Anyway, it's kind of my new philosophy. Give everything six weeks. Thinking about selling your house? If you're not still motivated to do it in six weeks, then you know what? Stay. Thinking about getting a new job? If you still hate your job after six weeks, it's time to get motivated. (Note: just an example, my job is still great, thanks.) Want to learn to play guitar? See if you still want to get lessons in six weeks. That last breakup mess you up good? Trust me, in six weeks it won't matter to you like you thought it did. Need a blog hiatus? Give it six weeks. Don't feel like coming back just yet? Then give it another six weeks. Pretty easy philosophy to follow, isn't it?

You see, the thing is that a lot can happen in six weeks. Six weeks can feel like a lifetime in the right situation. But you know what? In the big scheme of things, six weeks is nothing at all. What it is is just enough time to determine whether or not you're doing the right thing. Whether or not you've made the right choice. And it's just enough time to change your mind if you haven't. It's the cutoff point for either keeping the status quo or getting a move on. Give it six weeks, make a decision and then stop thinking about it, for god's sake!

Let's call that my new year's mission. Get a move on so I don't get left behind. Check in with me about it around Valentine's Day. I'm sure you guys are smart enough to do the math on that one. Coincidentally, that's about when I'll be taking down my Christmas tree, too. Just a little FYI for you.


Coming later this week: Something that's not all introspective and stuff and actually fits the title of "More Junk." Rejoice! It'll be like the old days! Honest! It's good to be back!